The 4 Hidden Terrors of Being a Girl in Buenos Aires

The dangers, people, are real. I don’t want you to assume this is some artificial post about boys or clothing or anything else considered “girly,” so why don’t we just jump right into it. First up on the list?

Busses, Trucks, & Automobiles

The traffic in Buenos Aires is pure MaYhEm {although, I must say, better than any other city I’ve seen in South America}. I remember one of my first few weeks here, a girl casually told me to mind the cars because her bus driver accidentally smacked into an old lady one day. I really wish I had asked for the end to that story, but I couldn’t exactly shake my face out of a gaping “O” in order to inquire anymore details.

Anyways, the funny thing is, the hectic traffic isn’t the reason the streets are so dangerous for girls. Rather, it’s the “chivalry” on the roads that will getcha. Just what the bloody hell am I talking about? Let me explain: J-walking {aka crossing the street where there is no crosswalk} is perfectly acceptable in BA –and, often times, the only way you’ll get across the road in a timely manner.  However, if you cross at an inopportune time, chances are, you’ll have a taxi aimed straight for your calves like a bowling ball headed for a strike. IF YOU ARE OF THE MALE GENDER: said car will honk the living S-*-*-T out of its horn alerting you to get the H-*-L-L out of their way. The male pedestrian will either be a) publicly humiliated and shamed by the auto’s tauntful toots OR –and this one is more likely– b) curse the cab with chimes of “BOLUDO” all while flailing about that favourited Argentine hand gesture of a loosely pinched fist to demonstrate his hatred, indignation and general frustrastion at the driver.

BUT, if you are FEMALE: drivers want to respect you. And yes, my fair lady, here is where the problem arises. As the speedy racer comes zipping down the avenida, they will see you hurriedly crossing the street a few meters in the distance. And right as they’re about to honk, they see your flowly long locks and curvy silhouette….and there’s no way they’re going to tell THAT to get out of their way.  So then a woman could end up in a situation where, quizas, she is completely oblivious to this driver simply due to the fact that he was too enamored to bother giving her a honk. and SMACK! what a shame….

Mirrored Windows

Come ON….I know I’m not the only girl that feels forced to look every time I walk past a mirrored window. It’s like someone telling you that you have something in your teeth, but you’re not allowed to check. You just HAVE to look. And since most of Buenos Aires is sprinkled with apartments or offices with mirrored lobbies, the opportunity arises about once every three doors while walking down the street.  I’m not sure why I think I would look different than I did three mailboxes ago, but there’s some strange pull inside me that forces my head to look in the mirror…..and check myself out. Sickening, no? It’s not as if I think I’m particularly good-looking or like I want to see how good my outfit looks, or whatever it may be. In fact, it’s more like I usually just notice my smudged eyeliner, embarrassing panty lines, or the toilet paper stuck to my boot {well, okay that’s never happened ….thank god}. It’s just that it’s THERE, I’m THERE, and I HAVE to take a sly side-glance to “check up” on myself…even if only to confirm I remembered to put pants on that day.

Everything “lite”

And I thought the U.S. had an obsession with dieting! Everything in the mercado has a “lite” option: lite crackers, like cheese, lite cereal, lite yogurt. The Coca-Cola brand is even doing a test run of a Coke “LIFE” here to see if it can succeed in the Argentine market before expanding to other countries –it’s basically another version of diet coke. So, why do I consider this all bad. First of all, if you want something, get the real thing. Having a tamagotchi’s not the same as having a dog, and fake glasses won’t make me smarter –so how in the world would diet/”light”/low-cal chocolate mousse successfully satisfy & replace my craving for that realllll good ol’ fluffy pounds of sugar. Plus, there’s all these extra preservatives that become especially tricky to pronounce in Spanish…as if the english format didn’t scare me enough!

The ‘J’ Accent 

Well, this isn’t just a terror for girls….but for all foreigners who come to Argentina. But here’s a YouTube video by a yanqui that makes it all worth it

Anyways, IT’S THE WEEKEND, THANK DIOS. Besitos to you && yours xox

2 thoughts on “The 4 Hidden Terrors of Being a Girl in Buenos Aires

  1. Who told you crossing across the street where there is no crosswalk is acceptable? Don’t complain about the traffic if you are not gonna start by respecting the rules yourself.

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