1. I will have nightmares.
I’ll dream I drown someone in kool-aid. I’ll dream my mom dies, and I’m forced to attend her funeral even though I can’t find my right shoulder, nor my left hand to wear to the ceremony. I’ll dream my brother drives me to McDonald’s, buys a Big Mac, and does a flip with the car with each bite he takes.
2. I will make a plethora of grammatical errors.
Causing co-workers and superiors to question my level of intelligence when I scribe “toad” instead of “towed” and “bowel” instead of “bowl.”
3. I will fall in love with you.
If you’re of male orientation, mildly attractive, and can incorporate my name into a rap, I will fall head over heels in love with you. And will blame you relentlessly when our young love is squandered.
4. I will eat peanut butter.
And if I don’t have a spoonful of it in my hand, I’ll walk around like The Grinch until I can devour a chunky, nutty spoonful of said product. Or it’s riquísimo cousin, Nutella.
5. You will get the urge to randomly facebook message me.
Seriously, I get the most random, unexpected facebook messages right before the full moon. And then –once the full moon has passed– they stop responding to me.
6. I will play & sing Enrique Iglesias’ music way past tolerable limits.
Unabashedly, I will repeat every single Enrique song I’ve downloaded in the history of my 22 years, until I’ve deprived both my and my roommate’s ears of all quality noise.
7. I will sweat.
My fan won’t keep me from perspiring. Coffee and mate will be expelled from my mug due to the fact I’ll think they’re causing my sweaty palms. But then I’ll begin to nod off one measly hour after waking. So I’ll chug some coffee, and be really annoyed when my stomach revolts against said consumption.
…and then I’ll go get my peanut butter.